I Close My Eyes To You
by KassandraScarlett
Summary: There's a wedding, but the groom is wrong. (cross-posted on AO3)


Pepper wasn't sure what she was thinking, inviting Tony to her wedding. She should have known it wasn't a good idea, not when she wasn't... Not when she was...

And now, here they were, their eyes fixed on each other in the mirror of Pepper's dressing table. She was curious as to how he actually got in to her room, but she wasn't surprised. Tony'd always been one to find his own way.

"What are you doing here?" She managed.

Tony lifted an eyebrow. "I was invited."

"Tony, please," she sighed- and didn't that sound familiar. "What are you doing here?"

Tony took a step towards her and she responded by standing and turning to face him.

"I had to see you," he said quietly. Pepper swallowed nervously. She was keeping her eyes firmly on his face, refusing to acknowledge the charcoal grey suit hugging his body sinfully, or the artfully tousled hair, or... Or anything else.

Unfortunately, that meant she could see past the blank mask of his face into the pain in his eyes.

"Why?" she asked bitterly. After all, he'd barely looked straight at her the past one year. Then again, she was the one who'd ended things between them.

Tony smiled uncertainly, a small tilt of the lips. "Just to make sure you were okay," he replied. "Pre-wedding jitters and all that."

A sob threatened to break out. Despite the joking tone, she could hear the underlying sincerity. He _was_ concerned, he really had come to _check up on her,_ and damn it, if that didn't make her want to hate him.

"I'm fine," she grit out, hating how her voice trembled.

Tony seemed to deflate at her sharpness. He nodded and turned to leave. His hand was almost on the doorknob, when Pepper did something very stupid. Arm shooting out, she grabbed his hand.

He turned back, confused, as Pepper pulled him to her and kissed him on the mouth.

Tony melted into it, gripping her hand and waist just as fiercely as he used to, taking over the kiss and dominating her. Then he stiffened and pushed her back gently with both hands on her shoulders.

She was slightly out of breath, horrified at herself.

Every bit of anguish and heartbreak had leaked into Tony's face.

"Tony-"

"Please," he whispered. "Pepper, please, don't- don't do that. Don't do that again. I can't- just don't. Please."

He was _begging_ her. Begging her not to kiss him, not to _love_ him. Begging her not to hurt him by giving him a taste of what could have been, but marrying someone else.

"I'm sorry," she whispered back.

Tony looked away and she watched as he wiped all signs of emotion away, stilling the trembling of his chin, blinking back the tears in his eyes. He used one hand to rub at his mouth, wiping away the colour she'd smeared there. His other hand reached behind her to grab at her lipstick and she stood frozen as, very carefully, he took her face in his hand and re-applied it with a familiar precision.

When he was finished, he wiped away her tears too, his fingers rough and warm on her skin.

"Thank god for smudge-proof makeup, yeah?" He muttered, and Pepper had to choke back a laugh. _How could he make jokes at a time like this?_

His hand fell away and he took a step back. "I should go," he mumbled, voice tight. "I'm not gonna stick around for the ceremony. Don't think that's a good idea."

"Tony wait, please," she gasped out. "Wait, please, I-"

"You can call this off," he stated, not looking her in the eye. The desperation was obvious, though. "You can still call this off."

And there, Pepper made another mistake. "Can you give up Iron Man?" Because that was the cause of this, wasn't it? She wasn't strong enough to love him and wait for the day he didn't come back to her. And he wasn't selfish enough to give up the suits, give up protecting the people, for his own safety.

Tony closed his eyes, shoulders sagging in defeat. "Congratulations on your marriage, Pepper. I hope you'll be happy."

He left.

Half an hour later, she'll be walking down the aisle. She will discreetly look for Tony as she says her vows, but she won't find him.

Eight months from now, she'll hear from Happy and Rhodey that Tony's seeing someone, a former surgeon-turned-wizard. She'll pretend to be happy for him, pretend she's happy in her own marriage.

Two years down the line, she'll watch Tony say his own vows, happiness evident in the lines of his face as he kisses Dr Stephen Strange. She'll dance with him a couple times, hide the pain and love in her chest, watch how the only emotions he holds for her are fondness and friendly affection. She'll envy Dr Strange for holding his heart.

One day, she'll break down in screams and tears as the news camera captures Iron Man falling, with no one fast enough to catch him, the suit itself dead weight, the person inside it already dead. She'll claw at her skin, curse herself for being stupid enough to think that just because she wasn't with Tony, she would stop loving him, would stop worrying about, stop feeling the pain.

Her husband would hold her, try to give her comfort, but it's all wrong; the scent is off, his skin is too smooth, his eyes are blue.

Pepper didn't know any of that right then. Tony left and she collapsed into her seat, clutching at the heart necklace she still wore on the shrapnel chain, with tears streaming down her face.


End file.
